Since the release of Soul Calibur IV, I've written quite a bit on the game, whether it was a review that took three days of non-stop play or a brief homage to Siegfried Schtauffen.

By now, most of us have come to terms with the fact that Soul Calibur is basically fan service in a box, which would account for all the bizarrely proportioned women and barrel chested men with nice hair. Be warned this is an editorial entry regarding something about the game's characters that has come to my attention.

First of all, if you own the game and have not checked out Chain of Souls in Museum mode, you should -- it gives free honor. Second, it has all the background story that scrolls slowly at the beginning of each Story Mode, so if you're like me and skipped those (Namco didn't realize most of us can read normally) Chain of Souls has the same text with controllable scrolling. Now third, you can look at your favorite characters' stats, and this is the part that made me blink.

I checked out Siegfried first and noticed that the man apparently stands at 5'6" and weighs 110 pounds. That isn't impossible, as my ex-boyfriend will tell you, but he also doesn't run around in full body armor and a sword the size of Canada like Sir Schtauffen. Nor does he look anything like the guy; strip down Siegfried's armor in Character Creation -- does he LOOK 110 pounds to you? Raphael Sorel is taller at 5'10", but weighs 129 pounds. Think about that for a moment, and take into account the fact that muscle weighs more than fat. Kilik pushes the Soul Calibur norm at 5'6" and 139 pounds, but that's also the appropriate weight for an athletic 17 year old girl of the same height.

The girls aren't much better. Hilde runs in the range of normal at 5'3" and 110 pounds, but she also wears heavy armor and carries around a short sword and spear. I know, I know, it's Soul Calibur IV, and we certainly shouldn't be holding Namco responsible for not following the rules of physics (Ivy has UNDER-cleavage, for goodness' sake). Tira and Scheherezade also sit in the lower five feet range, but their respective weights have plunged into the double digits. I knew girls who were of similar stature in college, and they usually had eating disorders.

Oh, and apparently Ivy's breasts are filled with helium because she's 5'10" and weighs 129 pounds. Similarly, Setsuka, another of the game's older female fighters, is 5'6" and 115 pounds. Taki? Same thing.

It's a rather amusing notion, but I've always noticed that in many games coming out of Japan, characters are generally exceptionally young and weigh so little you wonder if they have any internal organs. Is this a reflection of the ideal or just gross miscalculation? I'm torn between laughing myself to death and slapping my forehead in disbelief.

Perhaps the women who are upset over Fat Princess should pick up a copy of Soul Calibur IV.

RabidChinaGirl