Cracked.com has given us a comedic- yet extremely true, list of guidelines for good games. What made the list? Click and find out. Numbers 1, 2, 3, and 7 are as true as it gets. Heck, all of them are true. If only the industry would learn a lesson from this one. Heh...

#7.Thou shalt let us play your game with real-life friends.


You're dropping it because four players on a split screen are playing off one $60 copy of the game. Four players playing online need four copies ($240).

And these are the same people who're baffled about how the Nintendo Wii was able to depants the whole industry with its cheap, underpowered little machine. Hey, maybe it's because they're the one company that still seems to realize humans need interaction with other humans. Real interaction, not trash talking over a headset behind fake names.

#4.Thou shalt make killing fun.

Sword-fighting games like Oblivion are worse. You can slash the bad guy in the face with your blade and it does nothing. The enemy looks perfectly normal until he finally falls over dead, as if he had a heart attack from the excitement. Why give us a sword if we can't decapitate people? Don't tell us the system can't handle it, we were blowing off zombie limbs in House of the Dead a decade ago.

#2.Thou shalt make sure your game actually works.

What's happening here is exactly what we were afraid was going to happen once every console was online (never mind that 30-40% of them still aren't): that they would start following the PC gaming method of using the early buyers as unpaid beta testers. Push the game out the door, wait for complaints, then release a patch later.


#1.Better graphics do not equal innovation and/or creativity.


Fascinating how that worked out. And yet, guys like Epic games president Mike Capps are out there making stupid-ass statements about how they would never lower themselves to develop for the Wii because that would be "going backward."

This is epidemic in an industry that defines "innovation" purely by graphical horsepower and nothing else. Guys like him are utterly baffled that anyone could ever want a Wii, just because it, you know, offers a completely new playing experience.

Somehow these guys have gotten it in their heads that nothing counts for innovation except bump mapping and pixel shaders. "However can any human enjoy these outdated graphics without literally vomiting with disgust?"

Well, if these people would bother having a conversation with someone outside their own offices, they'd realize that the entire concept of "outdated" graphics is meaningless to 80 percent of gamers.
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  • 0
    Seeker X May 1, 08
    To be quite honest, most of them are just complaining. I'll take that little quote for example...

    #7: Problem is that not all of us have friends who are even that much interested (much less experienced) in gaming as we are, good thing online gaming is there. In any case, would've been a valid point if there weren't games that supported BOTH splitscreen/online.

    #4: Wow, nice low blow to one of the biggest games out there, *bleep*ing ridiculous.

    #2: No shit? Plus Beta testing has actually worked in the past, I can think of at least Warhawk in this case...in which the game is an obvious upgrade over the Beta as it was supposed to be; whoop-de-doo.

    #1: This is a matter of someone blowing off some steam because someone in Epic Games said that Wii was not moving forward. Graphics may not be innovation but it sure as shit is VITAL for next gen gaming, I can guarantee you that. Because I'm pretty sure while GTA IV is setting a new bar in gameplay, the graphics is just as important as well. So while you're playing your average looking game, I'll be playing my Grand Theft Auto, thank you.
    • 2
      Subtle Demise May 1, 08
      The point of #1 is that too many game companies put flash over substance. That's pretty ignorant of Epic to say basically, "LOL GRAFIX ON WII R TEH SUXXOR" Yeah, graphics sure make everything right when the game's a two-hour long snorefest. There are plenty of exceptions, but it's still a dangerous trend. Besides, what has Epic done besides Gears of War and rehashing Unreal Tournament every few years? Yeah, they're really taking gaming FORWARD.
  • 1
    Spazerman May 2, 08
    lol at the better graphics 1
  • 0
    kik36 May 2, 08
    I totally agree with #2....I'm getting sick of shelling out $60 for broken games.
  • 0
    S H E P E R D May 8, 08
    All of these are right on the money. I take Warhawk's example of 4 player online split screen on the same console as something the industry needs to make standard for all similarly styled games.

    And who the hell hates battle damage!?

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